i love you,
by DramaDelicacy
Summary: "i love you, too." - this was two years ago. sakura-centric. angst.


In my memory, the nights we spent together – with my head resting on your chest and your hand holding mine, as if it was a promise of comfort –were special. When I close my eyes now, I could see the constellation, the brilliant sparkles of stars, smiling down at us. I could feel your warmth underneath me, and your hand enveloping mine in a protective gesture. Our fingers intertwined, with your thumb rubbing the side of my hand every now and then. I could feel you breathing, and your heartbeat was like a metronome that calmed my whole being.

"Naruto,"

"Hm?" I could feel your other hand absentmindedly brushing my hair in a slow motion. "What is it?"

"I love you,"

A chuckle. And I grinned as my body moved to the rhythm of your laugh as it echoed through your whole being.

"I love you too."

Silence.

These nights were special. Because who knew you could actually be silent and still. Simply lying there, watching the stars with me as we found peace and comfort in each other's company. The days were always hectic, and we were always putting up a façade. _Of a knucklehead and a violent woman_.

At night, after all was said and done, we'd always go to your place (your balcony, to be exact), and the mattress that we used every night would already be waiting there, rolled to the side. A few pillows and a few layers of blanket to keep us warm were all that we needed. There were no further intimacies between us, only touches and sometimes kisses.

But I love you, and you _loved_ me. And when I close my eyes, I think of the nights we spent together. Of our shared silent understanding of one another, and of the light kisses you'd place on my forehead that would grow into a much deeper kiss upon my lips. I'd kiss your whiskers and caress them after because that was how you liked it. No words were shared, not much anyway.

Because after a long day of bickering, we needed this silence.

These moments on these nights would only last a few hours, but it was okay. Because you were Naruto and I am me. And I thought we only needed each other.

Yet here I am, two years later. _Exactly_ two years after you told me our routine could no longer continue. And I had accepted it blindly, because I thought words of love would be enough but I supposed they were barely reaching. I had asked you, "can we spend another night together?" and to other people it would've sounded like a night of extreme intimacy involving the two physical bodies united as one. But that was not us. We never needed that kind of intimacy, not really anyway.

But maybe that was what you wanted. Maybe that's why we fell apart.

But you had said "no, I'm sorry."

And I had nodded, and bowed before you because I supposed our days as friends (_best friends_) were also over, from the way your blue eyes darkened when they looked into my eyes – perhaps, possibly glistening with the almost-tears. You nodded at me as I straightened up, smiled my best (because being a friend of Sai taught you many things, but one of the most important things I learned from him was how to fake a smile. How to make it look genuine even when you were breaking to pieces) and turned around to return to my office before saying "I'll see you around, Hokage-sama."

And I had to pretend I didn't hear you say "Goodbye, Haruno-san."

Surprisingly, when I reached my office I didn't cry. My desk was covered in responsibilities that needed my attention and personal feelings were not for the work place. So I smiled through the invisible tears as I worked through the paperwork.

* * *

><p>So here we are. Two years later, two people who were once everything. Or so I thought.<p>

She had me seated in the front seat, and I wasn't sure if her intention was pure or not. Was she silently laughing at my pain, satisfied that I'm getting the exclusive front seat of his and her wedding? Or was it out of good intention, because she still thought me and him were (at least) best friends?

Sasuke sits next to me, posture tall and proper (as he should be, considering his nobility) and Kakashi-sensei on my other side. I didn't miss the glances he'd give me every other minute, even without looking into his eye I know exactly how he's feeling but just for today I will pretend I don't. Sai sits next to Kakashi-sensei, his expression actually somber and I was surprised at first because he read so many books on etiquettes to carry in a wedding ("I mean, I will be invited, right?" he'd asked me and Naruto two years ago when he noticed the little physical exchanges we'd accidentally give one another – the small gestures of intimacy and love) but I supposed even Sai could get tired of smiling through the pain.

But I couldn't. Not because I want to, but because I _couldn't_. I have to sit here and smile and when they see tears they need to believe that they're tears of joy.

When the first drop of tear falls, I could feel Sasuke's hand squeezing mine lightly before he pulls away, pretending he hasn't done anything to try to comfort me. When the next drop of tear falls, Kakashi-sensei gives me a quick comforting pat on the head. And when they exchanged rings, and kissed, my tears are all but contained. A second later, I hear Sai stand, and all eyes are on him but he just stands there. His eyes shift from Naruto, Hinata, me, and the pattern repeats. After a while, he sighs, waves his hand in the air and said "I can't sit through this bullshit."

Without another word, he disappears in a puff of smoke.

The atmosphere is heavy, and whispers fill the air. Hinata is shaking and Naruto looks at the empty space where Sai was, his eyes slowly but surely darkening in rage.

I sigh, wiped away my tears and stands. Eyes are on me, and Naruto looks at me, his expression unreadable.

"Congratulations Hokage-sama, Hinata-sama," I smile. I won't say I'm happy for them, because faking and tolerating and breaking has their limits. But I kept my smile plastered to my face before I bow and turn to leave the reception. I hear people shifting in their seats and I hear yells of congratulations coming from behind closed doors.

"_Who leaves a wedding early? It's all too sad._" I had remembered my mother recalling an event from her friend's wedding when a friend of theirs left early, only for her to find out that the friendship between the friend and the bride ended right after that night.

The next thing I know, I found myself sitting on Naruto's balcony (the mattress long gone and the concrete is actually dirty and covered in leaves – he's leaving in a week, after his wedding he's decided it's time to make use of the Hokage quarter since it's the perfect space to start a family), looking up at the stars.

I lay back, ignoring how filthy my back feels as it touches the dirty concrete. I hear the leaves rustle under me and I close my eyes, smiling as I pretend they're the sound of his chuckles.

He never gave me an answer as to why and how our relationship ended. It was just so sudden and abrupt and with no explanation. It took a few sentences from him and one numb "understanding" from me. He had asked me (after he told me "we can no longer see each other") "you understand right, Sakura?" (and my heart broke at the lack of suffix) and I had nodded; "of course" I had said, and I remember my heart breaking further when he rejected my request to one last night together.

His relationship with her started out of nowhere. And I wondered how could ours end so suddenly when we were just enjoying one another's company just the night before?

Do people change that fast? That easily?

I would never find out why our relationship ended. And perhaps it was for the best.

Not all stories get their happy end. Often times, things stay unresolved. And unfortunately, I guess so is my story.

I look at the stars, took a deep breath and close my eyes again.

For one last time, I went back to "_us"_ from two years ago. When we'd laugh during the days, when I'd nag over your pranks and clumsiness and when you'd ask me out on dates. When we'd enjoy each other's silent company at night, when it was so easy to say "I love you" and you'd say "I love you, too". When you still called me "Sakura-chan" and I called you "Naruto".

But now we're none of that.

Now you're "Hokage-sama" and I'm "Haruno-san".

And when I opened my eyes and felt my tears running down the side of my face uncontrollably, I felt the need to say it. One last time.

"I love you."

And I thought, for a split second, I hear you reply:

"I love you, too."

But it was just the wind and the rustles of leaves underneath me. And the stars, pale and mocking, no longer feel comforting.

* * *

><p><strong>an**

**jeeesus this is a preeetty bad fic imo. hadn't put much thought into how exactly i want the scenario to play out but here you go. i figured had the narutoverse not actually just blindly accept naruto's decision to suddenly *not* love sakura, people would actually disapprove of a lot of things. And i wonder how it would affect his friendship with the people from his team, especially.**

**i did actually shed a bit of tears at the last part cause i'm just so sad over narusaku a lot these days. also yes i'm leaving out why naruto decided to just end it with sakura cause i honestly can't think of anything reasonable? lol. it makes no sense to me and i'll leave it that way with this fic.**

**didn't proof-read it either. it's finals week and i just want to write and post. sorry for any grammatical errors and i'm extremely sorry if you just don't get it cause they're incoherent.**

**oh and if any of you watch sherlock, you'd realize that the "who leaves a wedding early" line to be from mrs hudson from season 3 episode 2: "the signs of three". i thought that line fits this nicely so there you go.**

**reviews are still appreciated though,**

**dd.**


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